So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
