Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
