So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
