I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Randomize
