I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
