What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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