my mouth tastes like poor choices
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
