sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
