Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
