I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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