There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize