i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
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