Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
two words...techno handjob
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
