you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
