I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
