THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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