I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
