Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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