your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
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He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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