Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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