wanna go halves on a baby?
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
