so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
