I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
