something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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