My Higher Power is John Stamos
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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