Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
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