dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Be still, my beating vagina.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
