He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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