6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
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There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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