I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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