so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
