Who wears a wallet chain?!
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
