I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
My pussy is not your playground.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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