Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
