u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
