PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
