I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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