explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
