White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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