I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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