he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
