He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
