During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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