I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
