Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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