Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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