sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize