happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
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She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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