we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
