New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I think I just sharted jello shots
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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