How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
