i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize
