This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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