woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
