I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Operation Purity has been aborted
it's great music for shaving your balls
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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