You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I don't want my vagina anymore.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
