That's intense
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
