My girlfriend figured out who you are.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
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I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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