blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
